what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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