I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
