Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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