Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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