Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
