Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He did a backflip because drugs
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
