Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
