I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Someone signed my nipple.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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