He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
