what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
