I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Bring me that man meat
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
