she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
