We got so high we made milksteak
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
