we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
