I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
