i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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