Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
