put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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