I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
