Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
