I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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