My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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