he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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