i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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