when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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