I can't watch pbs sober anymore
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize