I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
