i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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