my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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