you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
