Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize