It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Randomize
