you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
