I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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