U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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