is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
