Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
