So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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