I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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