The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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