I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
how does that bad decision feel?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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