my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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