Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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