so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
