There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
