it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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