4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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