I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
