i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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