never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
