I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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