I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
