Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
