he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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