I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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