i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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