Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
