Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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