you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
