he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
