I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
