If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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