elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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