if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
