first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
