Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
