so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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