Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize