I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
