the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
