so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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