Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
